LAUGHTER

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." -Michael Pritchard

"Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter." -Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -e.e. cummings

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -Victor Borge

CREATING HUMOR

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." -Tom Clancy

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." -George Carlin, comedian

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." -Marty Feldman

LIFE

"You know what the trouble of real life is? There's no danger music." -Jim Carrey

"Experience is the comb life gives you after you lose your hair." -Judith Stern

"Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch." -Henry Boyd

"There are three proven rules for good teeth: brush after every meal; see your dentist twice a year; and mind your own business." -David A. Schmaltz

"You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams." -Rita Rudner, comedian

"If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?" -George Carlin

"Karma usually has a wingman." -surprisingly funny line from soap opera General Hospital

"When the tide goes out, you see who was swimming without a bathing suit." -Warren Buffett

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." -unknown

"Spell check can't fix stupid." -T-shirt saying

"You can only be young once but you can be immature forever." -Dave Barry

MOTIVATIONAL

"Start every day with a smile and get it over with." -W.C. Fields

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." -Hugh Downs

"Do everything. One thing may turn out right." -Humphrey Bogart

RELIGION

"Christianity makes suffering contagious." -Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher